I like when I hear things like “Oh, that’s a five-minute job” or “Piece of cake” or “I could do that with my eyes closed” or “I did that while I was sleeping”. Then there is my absolute favorite comment of all time: “A pro tech could have that job done in less time than it takes you to take a crap”.

Now, I know that if you do something enough, it becomes second nature and you can usually do things quickly. Usually. But, like that old saying goes, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans”.

I’ve done brake jobs on my bikes and on all of the cars I have ever owned since I got my first car and my first bike. I got some training from my mechanic grandfather, and that was all I needed. When I got my first bike, well, okay, not my first bike, my second bike. My 1994 Sportster. I learned how to do the brakes myself, bleed them, flush the fluid, and yadda yadda. Sure, it took me a while to do it the first few times, lacking the proper tools and such, but I gathered the necessities and got it done. Eventually, I reached that point where I could do a brake job on pretty much any vehicle with only one eye open.

I now have the proper tools, the proper knowledge, and a service manual. I gather all the goods and the “New” parts, and pile everything next to the bike with sufficient lighting in the form of a battered utility shop light. I borrowed my wife’s garden pads to sit on and plopped myself on the floor. I didn’t feel like putting the bike on the lift, and to be totally honest, I couldn’t get the bike in the Ted Shed if my life depended on it now. It’s so full of crap unrelated to motorcycling, it’s painful to look at. I didn’t even want to put it on my little lift, but I know I eventually will when I have to flush the rear brake fluid.

I’ve owned this 2003 Harley Davidson Sportster 100th Anniversary XL1200C for 2-1/2 years now. I’ve never done the brakes, never flushed the brake fluid either, so I knew it was time. They felt a little funny, so I knew it was time. Not that that should be a gauge to when you should do your brakes, but considering I’ve never done them, and I don’t know if they were ever done.

“Get your brake pads from Amazon,” I was told. I usually get my parts from either Harley, J&P Cycles, or another reputable parts retailer. I normally NEVER buy motorcycle “Parts” from Amazon. But…. with a lapse in judgment firmly in hand, I took the recommendation from my brother and perused Amazon.

I typed “Brake Pads for 2003 Harley Davidson Sportster XL1200C” and they popped up. The description would have you believe they fit every Sportster ever made from 1957 to 2022. I gave these a sideways glance while squinting my eyes. “They don’t look right.” I thought. Then, another thought crossed my brain, “Have I been through this once before?” Despite my doubts, I ordered them anyway. $18, what could possibly go wrong.

Everything.

They arrived a couple of days later, and now here I am in the crux of things. I loosened the two pins that hold the brake pads, and the old pads fell out, as they should.

“Dammit, I knew it,” I mumbled to myself. They were completely different from what is pictured above. I should have followed my usual instinct and gotten them from JP or HD. With a change of the pads off the plan for the day, I turned towards flushing the front brake fluid for now. Wow, that stuff was dirty, black dirty. After getting all the old fluid out, I went to get the DOT 5 I had in the shed….well, at least I thought I did. Well, I did sort of. The bottle was about 5 years old, and there wasn’t enough left in it to do the front, so a trip to my local HD was in order.

So, there you have it. No brake pads, no brake fluid, and a task halted by external forces. The new pads wouldn’t arrive for another week. My local HD parts desk has them for $90 a set. That’s $180 for front and back. I paid $59 through J&P Cycles. The DOT 5 I got from HD to the tune of $28 for a 16-ounce bottle.

The final poop in my pants? I returned from a ride on my Heritage a couple of days ago and noticed a crack in my rear brake rotor. I ordered that and finally got it. That is the next task.

Easy? HA, I laugh in your face.